


cause i've started falling apart

by avestrum



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Knuckle Biting, M/M, Mild Blood, Multi, Polyamory, References to Depression, Self-Harm, comfort kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:13:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23590630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avestrum/pseuds/avestrum
Summary: bad days come when he least expects, most time, satori can't manage
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 160





	cause i've started falling apart

**Author's Note:**

> i couldn't get out of bed without crying today,  
> and decided to take it out on satori  
> im sorry

Satori is not having a good day right now. His skin is tight, and it feels like he’s about to crawl out of it with how uncomfortable he feels. He curls further into his dorm room bed and whimpers into his pillow, ashamed, chest tight. Everything about himself feels uncomfortable and wrong, and he doesn't know if it's physical discomfort or something all in his head that's causing it but it hurts…  _ it hurts. _

Headfirst into his pillow, Satori sighs deeply and kicks his legs against his blanket. It was comfort for a moment, but it was starting to stifle his legs underneath their weight. 

He does not cry very often, not when he's on his lonesome and sure as fuck not in front of his teammates, but it seems like the tiniest thing is going to set him off today. 

His blurry eyes stare at his phone, screen bright in the darkness of his dorm. Is it bad that he misses Wakatoshi and Tsutomu even though he doesn't want them to see him like this? Even though he's purposely avoiding them. They're his friends, they're his  _ boyfriends _ , but he's never been this vulnerable around them. 

Satori knows they must be worried about him, practice started thirty minutes ago and normally this would be the latest he shows up, but even the thought of hauling himself out of bed to go to practice sends a spike of  _ hurt _ through his chest.

He'll deal with whatever punishment Coach Washijo will give to him when he shows up at practice next, but for now, he rolls over in his bed to stare up at the underneath of the bunk above him, tears fill his eyes and the pot bubbles over. They spill over, trailing down his cheeks and spilling down the curve of his nose and wet his sideburns and leak into his hair. He shoves his knuckles against his teeth to stifle the wail that wrenches out of his throat. 

His chest is burning, all he wants to do is close his fucking eyes but the tighter he squeezes them the more the tears come out. 

_ He's pathetic. _

Satori huffs against his knuckles, dig his teeth into his skin until it stings and he tastes salt and iron on his tongue. It tastes so bad but he keeps on doing it, grinds his teeth on his knuckles until he rips up his skin. 

He'll regret it when he's okay, but now the sting of it brings his self wallowing tears to a halt and replaces them with tears of physical pain and it's  _ better _ than feeling this pathetic.

Satori doesn't know how long he lays there, gnashing his teeth over his knuckles over and over as tears keep tracking down his cheeks. His hair messing sweeps into his eyes, does more than just block his vision, it hides his eyes, hides how weak he gets. 

A knock on his door startles him, before the door knob wiggles and then stops and then starts again in concern.

"Satori?" Tsutomu's voice is concerned and quiet from the other side of his room door. Satori chokes back a sob and squeezes his eyes shut even further. He doesn't want Tsutomu to see him like this, exposed and a little broken. "Do… do I need to get Wakatoshi-san?" Tsutomu says frantically on the other side of the door. 

Tsutomu has a knack for when people are upset, but when it comes to Satori he has no idea what to do, Satori has kept it that way, but hearing Wakatoshi's name makes him shudder and cry out.

"Satori,  _ please?" _ Tsutomu pleads from the other side of the door. "Let me in. I'll go get Wakatoshi right now if you don't." 

Satori's tongue and legs feel heavy as he hauls himself shakily out of his bed stings. His hand stings as he reaches for his doorknob. His breath catches in his throat and suffocates him as he pulls the door open. 

Tsutomu tilts his head up to look at him and the concerned expression on his face deepens as he takes in Satori's red eyes and tear streaked face, the messy bangs that sweep into Satori's eyes in the dreaded bowl cut that Tsutomu knows his boyfriend hates. 

" _ Satori… _ " Tsutomu whispers and reaches out to pull Satori into a tight hug. Tsutomu may be shorter than him but his hugs have a way of making Satori feel incredibly safe and small in his arms. "I'm here, I'm here,  _ I'mhereI'mhereI'mhere. _ " Tsutomu chants into his messy hair as he clings onto Satori. Satori chokes on a sob and hides his face against Tsutomu's throat, sagging against his frame as all his energy leaves him and his legs threaten to give out from underneath him.

Eventually Tsutomu walks him into the room to make sure no one with prying eyes can see Satori in such a vulnerable state. Tsutomu runs his knuckles over Satori's damp cheek and his whole face softens. "Oh Satori, w-what's wrong?" 

Satori's face crumbles against Tsutomu's pleading eyes. His bottom lip quivers, outwardly trembles and his chest cracks wide open as he slumps forward and drops his forehead against Tsutomu's shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Satori croaks against Tsutomu’s practice uniform. “I’m sorry.” He repeats. 

“Do you want me to get Wakatoshi?” Tsutomu asks softly as he rubs his hand in slow circles over Satori’s curved back.

“ _ Don’t _ leave!” Satori snatches out to cling onto Tsutomu’s shirt, fingers trembling. He flinches when Tsutomu covers his shaky hands with his own, and when Tsutomu notices the dried flakes of blood along the back of his palm the first year lets out a noise of shock and concern.

“Hey, no.” Tsutomu says gently. “I’m not going to leave you on your own.” Tsutomu presses a gentle kiss to the raw skin on Satori’s knuckles, before he holds both of Satori’s hands in one of his so he can fish his phone out of his shorts.

“I’ll text Wakatoshi and ask him to come over with some food okay?”

“Water too?” Satori croaks, eyes going wide as Tsutomu types one handed. His boyfriend nods, gently nuzzling against the backs of Satori’s fingers as he does so. 

Wakatoshi doesn’t take long to get to the dorm room. He’s fast like that, reliable, trustworthy. Satori feels so bad that he didn’t tell Wakatoshi that he was feeling crap when Wakatoshi texted him this morning, but that was the thing, he didn’t want Wakatoshi to worry, didn’t want Wakatoshi to see him falling apart.

“Tsutomu, Satori.” Wakatoshi calls out a greeting as he steps in through the door to Satori’’s dorm. He’s carrying a bag in his hand, from the smells coming from it, it’s curry, rice, good, filling food that will fill Satori up in half a plate or so. So Wakatoshi didn’t miss that he was absent from all their meals today. 

Satori’s heart pounds in his chest, finally feeling something other than pain for the first time today. Wakatoshi lifts his head from where he’s absentmindedly staring at the waterbottle label. He freezes when he sees Satori looking like all the stitches holding him together are unravelling.

He deposits the water bottle and food gently onto Satori’s desk, careful not to topple either of them over. Tsutomu moves to the side to give Wakatoshi the space he needs to stride right up to Satori and to take his face in his hands. He looks down the tiny gap between their heights.

Wakatoshi’s eyes hold so damn much, his concern for Satori, worry, love, fear, a hint of hurt on Satori’s behalf. Satori sniffles. Wakatoshi pulls him in for a kiss. Kisses his lips and doesn’t care that there’s the metallic taste of blood from his bitten knuckles. Satori’s whole body buckles, knees giving out from how overwhelmed he is. Tsutomu’s hands catch him and hold him up for Wakatoshi to kiss him again.

“You should have told us you were hurting.” Wakatoshi says bluntly. To anyone else it would sound like a chastise, a negative response, but Tendou’s bottom lip quivers and for the first time today his tears are  _ happy _ . Wakatoshi’s lips soften into a smile, and he wraps his arms around Satori, pulls Tsutomu in with him and allows the dark-haired first year to press a kiss to Satori’s lips softly.

He’s caged in between Tsutomu and Wakatoshi, but unlike his blanket, it’s anything but stifling. That painful, pathetic feeling recedes beneath his skin, it won’t go away completely, but for now he’s willing to let Tsutomu and Wakatoshi chase it away. 


End file.
